I was joking with my family friend who took me to my first chemo appointment today that it felt like the first day of school. A lot of buildup, thinking about what clothes to wear (to be comfortable with a lot of sitting and easy access to my port), overpacking my bag, and just general nervousness about what it would be like.

The session went pretty much as planned, minus the sandwich I bought from the restaurant in the building which was sub-mid (no pun intended since it wasn't a sub). It took about 5 hours in total once it got going and I did in fact sit a lot although I was able to disconnect for bathroom breaks as needed.

As far as physical effects, there was one point where my vision went a little weird. It was kind of hard to describe, maybe a little laggy like I was drunk? But it mostly went away after a few minutes. They gave me some anti-nausea meds before we started and as I write this before going to bed I still haven't felt it, but I'm waiting for that to change. They sent me home with three types of anti-nausea prescriptions to take in steps should each step fail.

We'll see if I need them, but fingers crossed.

Watching other people come and go I noticed a number of them who both were there by themselves for the infusions and those who brought people back with them. That's not to say they came on their own, they very easily could have been in the waiting room. Bruce sat with me for most of the 5 hours except when he got up to stretch his legs, it definitely eased the nervousness.

What I took away, in addition to hearing that symptoms hit everyone differently, is that everyone does cancer differently. Even if we all share a similar goal of getting over it, how we get there and what that looks like is up to us.

So, going forward I'm going to opt to be in the infusion area on my own.

I think having the quiet time to read or make art is what I need right now. No where to go, nothing to do, make it productive. That's the brief. Even if I'm getting pumped full of chemicals to kill the cancer while I'm doing it. It'll be my zen place for the next 8-12 months.

First day down, ? to go.